www.JohnForUSSenate.com
I Would Like to ApologizePatricia Neill (c) 2000First, of all, I'm sorry about the Holocaust. Really, really sorry about
that. I'd also like to apologize for the fall of the Roman Empire, for
Napoleon's effectiveness, for China's brutality and for Jimmy Carter.I want to apologize for the Irish potato famine, and for the Irish in
general. Shame on me for inflicting the world with a race of poets,
scholars, monks, and cops, not to mention Brendan Brehan. I'm sorry for the Hutus using their machetes on the Tutus. Very sorry. I am hugely remorseful for Rasputin.
I apologize for anti-semitism, racism, homophobia, sexism, ageism, lookism,
heightism, smartism, cuteism, artism, jazzism, and no doubt I've left
something out there--for which, I apologize. I'm really quite sorry about
the Spanish Inquisition, indulgences, corporal punishment, the British
Empire, and the Roman Catholic Church. I'm very sorry about the Crusades,
especially that silly Children's Crusade, which was really a big mistake on
my part.I'm really, really, really sorry for Death, Destruction, Plato, Sesame
Street, and mosquitoes. Oh. And the Holocaust. The Holocaust was a very bad thing, and I beg
everyone's pardon.Please forgive me for fast food, rap music, and disco. How horrible I've
been. I'm really sorry.
I'm very, very contrite that the Clintons were elected twice, and I am sorry
for all their lies. I'm sorry for the poor quality of wood that makes up Al
Gore's head. I could have used teak, and didn't. Please forgive me. I'm
remorseful about all the endangered species, even, in my better moments, for
the Great Spotted Suck Toad. I am miserable about all the beached whales,
creamy-breasted bed thrashers, and red-tailed goots. I'm sorry for black slavery in America, and I'm sorry for the welfare state.
I apologize for public education, the Industrial Revolution, and Windows 95.
I'm really sorry about the Rape of Nanking, Pearl Harbor, the desert in
sub-Saharan Africa, and the French.I apologize for any modern invention that has ever inconvenienced anyone, like when your car won't start on a cold morning, and I'm sorry about all
the landmines, bombs, and boring speeches of
politicians. I'm sorry about Hillary Clinton's hairdos.I repent the bombing of the Chinese Embassy in Belgrade, the eruption of
Mt. St. Helenas, and of course, the Holocaust.
I apologize to my cats for them not having been born dogs. I'm real sorry
about the invention of the television, and for the devolution of the human
race. I apologize for the Moon, Winter, and the color mauve.However--and get this straight--I am NOT sorry about the clarinet. I had
nothing to do with the damn thing.############################################################